I’ve been reading a bunch about Occupy Toronto and Occupy Wall Street. Like other rich people, I find it pretty hard to figure out exactly why people are there and what exactly they want. One thing that is clear to me however, is that our voices, the top 1% of Canadians, are not being fairly represented. Being part of such a small minority is always hard and isolating, but the level of demonization we receive makes it even harder for our voice to be heard. We’re not all greedy bankers and CEOs that are oppressing the poor. A lot of us have never harmed anyone – for example because we inherited a lot of money and pretty much just shop all day. Which, by the way, helps the economy. Others are just regular doctors and successful lawyers, marrying each other, putting in long hours and making our $500,000 a year in combined income. One couple I know, both successful lawyers, were disappointed that their finances did not allow them to pay their nanny more than minimum wage this year. And we graduate with lots of student debt too, although it’s true we can pay it off in a few months. In Canada, the top 1% average just $1,900,000 in assets , far short of the 7.5 million our rich American brothers think they need to be wealthy .
Anyways, the point is I think we need to stage a counter-protest to make our voices heard. In Canada, as of 2004, you needed a pre-tax individual income of $181,000 to be in the top 1% . If this is you, join me and take to the streets to make our voices heard. It will be a great bonding experience and I suspect afford us some much needed vigorous exercise [For those not in the top 1% of humour, this is because we will likely get chased]. We can easily pool our resources and hire a good design firm to write some catchy slogans and design some signs for us. Should cost us ten grand, tops. But to start, here are my ideas:
Top 1% Counter-Protest Sign Ideas
- I am the 1% – release the hounds
- I’ve got 99 problems but being rich aint one – don’t hit me!
- Live within your means: for example, my house only has 1 elevator even though I could have afforded a house with 2
- End the occupation
- We may make 12% of the income, but we pay 18% of the taxes 
- We’re not greedier or more rapacious than the other 99%, just more successful
- The occupy movement has so much funding now you should be protesting yourselves
- Next time factor in increased participation by women in the workforce, smaller overall family sizes, young people moving out earlier and staying in school longer and the propensity for high-income earners to marry each other before claiming such a large increase in income disparity for households.
- Not all rich people are greedy assholes earning their wealth on the backs of the poor, although I’ll admit this is correct in my particular case
Top 1% Counter-Protest Chant Ideas
- Hey, hey we’re number 1
- What do we want? One third of the inflation adjusted real earnings increase! When do we want it? Actually, I think we’ve already got it so no action required! 
- We’re here, we’re rich, we don’t want any more bears [markets]
Finally, I’d like to address a major issue dividing the top 1% camp: the growing gap between the rich and super rich . Being merely rich myself, I know how the 99% must feel. I grew up without a grotto, and only a hot-tub/sauna combination instead of a full indoor pool
See you at Occupy Toronto on October 30th at 2:00 PM! (Parking is challenging, so don’t take the limo) Never be ashamed of who you are!